Fencing is Freudian. Very, very Freudian. One common request among fencers is if they can have a screw. And by screw, I mean that bit of metal that holds stuff together. Not…not whatever your little dirty minds are thinking. Of course, even the most straight laced of us all encounter moments that induce fits of giggles. Either that, or the replies you give secure your place in the Special Hell. Fresh from the folks at Seacoast Fencing Club, I give you the Top Ten Replies to the phrase, “I need a screw!”

10. Don’t we all?

9. Was one not enough?

8. Do you need me to put it in for you?

7. a. I thought that’s why you got married?
b. I thought that’s why you got divorced?

6. I just used my last one.

5. Again?

4. Didn’t I just give you one?

3. French or German?

2. Let me get my kit.

1. We don’t have time!