31 Dec 2006 11:43 am

I finished reading Stephen King’s Cell yesterday. It had the makeup of something I would fantastically love—an apocalyptic zombie novel. Not only were there apocalyptic zombies, but the zombies are made by cell phones.

I fell instantly in love. Zombies! Apocalypse! Evil cell phones! (Even now, I’m very apprehensive about answer my cell phone. Not that I wasn’t apprehensive before, but now it’s gotten even worse. My friends now hate Stephen King).

I read. And I read and read and read, the book was really a page-turner (the sort of book that can wrangle my ADHD attention span for long lengths of time). It developed well, it was eerie, suspenseful. For me, it also had an added element of familiarity with the setting. That made it even more creepy (the creepiest moment for me in a King novel was when he once wrote something about going to the theatre in Conway, NH. Holy shit, I’ve been there!)

And so I loved it… all the way up until yesterday around 11:53 a.m.

You see, that’s when I got to the end. Only, it didn’t seem like the end. It seemed like a chapter end, yes. The kind of end where you say to yourself, “Self, let us continue on to the next chapter.”

And then you (and Self) notice that there’s his traditional tagline-ish endnote. You know the one (if you ever read any of his novels, which I do recommend) where he gives the date and place of where and when he finished the novel.

I felt lied to. “You are not done! I will turn the page and there will be another chapter!”

And there was another chapter… for another book. One of those previews of books to come.

But I will never know what happened with Clay and his son Johnny and their compatriots left in the northern unnamed counties of Maine. This makes me sad because I figured Cell to be a multi-time read. I’ve got several of novels that I’ve read multiple times—Ender’s Game, The Stand, An Unquiet Mind… the list honestly goes on and on. But Cell won’t be on that list because it’s promise is broken at the end. The story doesn’t finish. It ends in practically mid-sentence, as if your lover was shot in the middle of saying “I lo—”

25 Aug 2005 10:01 pm

Skintimate Skintimate vs. Gillette Sensor3 Gillete Sensor

Skintimate Moisturizing Shave Gel, Sensitive Skin
Comparison Pending Use of Other Creams

Gillette Sensor3 3 Blade Disposable Razor for Women

During Shaving: 3
At first, I thought things were going, well, smoothly. It was wonderful, I couldn’t feel a thing. But this razor acts like a slow acting hot pepper. Just when you think you’ve made it through all hunky-dory, the burning slowly makes its way across your tongue and throughout your mouth, lighting you on fire. Despite my being ensconced in my shower, my legs were afire right as I finished shaving my right leg. My left leg, remembering the horror that was the Noxzema Razor Test, plead for mercy. I swear I could hear it through the cascade of water from the shower. Like some slasher movie chick begging for her life from the Nasty Bad Guy in a pounding rain storm as the Nasty Bad Guy cackles and kills her anyway, the rain washing away the evidence. Like said Nasty Bad Guy, I cackled (well, no, I didn’t cackle, I would’ve gotten soap in my mouth), and killed my leg (well, no, didn’t kill the leg either, but I certainly shaved that fucker). However, the shower did a piss-poor job of washing away the evidence. My husband commented on the remenants of shaving cream on the curtain and swore when he stepped on the razor’s safety cap.

Post-Shaving: 3
Dear God! Moisturizer!
*Added later that day–well, evening–my legs itch like hell!

Razor Rash: 6
Not as bad as I thought when my legs screamed for mercy while shaving.

Closeness: 9
What hair?

25 Aug 2005 09:33 am

Skintimate Skintimate vs. Gillette Daisy Disposables Gillete Daisy

Skintimate Moisturizing Shave Gel, Sensitive Skin
Comparison Pending Use of Other Creams

Gillette Daisy Ultragrip

During Shaving: 8
I’m not sure if I’m biased because of my last experience with a razor on my leg (the last test not anything dirty, you sick people), but this razor didn’t feel like a razor. I barely noticed it was scraping up my leg, except for a couple spots around my ankles. But really, who doesn’t screw up around their ankles?

Post-Shaving: 8
Legs not demanding for moisturizer too badly. Normally, my legs shout quite loudly for it.

Razor Rash: 7
You wouldn’t know that four days ago I had smallpox.

Closeness: 6
Not as close as a triple blade, but damn close enough.

24 Aug 2005 04:22 pm

Skintimate Skintimate vs. Noxzema        Noxzema

Skintimate Moisturizing Shave Gel, Sensitive Skin
Comparison Pending Use of Other Creams

Noxzema Triple Blade Disposable Razor

During Shaving: 0
Holy shit on a stick. I know that I’m using a bit of really sharp metal and scraping it across my skin, but I shouldn’t be able to feel that unless I make a mistake. This razor makes it Very Apparent that I am Using a Sharp Object to Shave Hair Off My Leg. And I wasn’t making a mistake. It hurt. My legs were screaming for mercy before I even got to my other leg. In fact, I think my left leg was begging to be left alone and hairy.

Post-Shaving: 5
Legs pleading for moisturizing lotion.

Razor Rash: 0
I looked like a smallpox victim.

Closeness: 8
Well, it was a close shave.

24 Aug 2005 03:53 pm

I have incredibly sensitive skin. My skin sees a razor and it freaks out before I even take the safety cap off. Not shaving isn’t a choice for me. Why? Oh, just childhood trauma. My mother neglected to lead me into the way of female bodycare (and my mother did shave her legs) and when I was twelve, I got the hell teased out of me for not having shaved legs. So whatever, it’s society’s conditioning, but dammit, it was the South, it was harsh, and I want smooth fucking legs. Deal.

Anyway. I went to [insert evil music here] Wal-Mart and grabbed three different kinds of shave gel and four different types of razors, chosen by sight or because a friend recommended them.

The Candidates:

Shaving Cream/Gel/Whatever
Skintimate Moisturizing Shave Gel, Sensitive Skin
Gillette Satin Care Shave Gel for Women, Sensitive Skin
Satin Care
Soft Shave Moisturizing Shower Shave Lotion for Women, Extra Sensitive
Soft Shave

Gillette Sensor3 3 Blade Disposable Razor for Women
Gillette Sensor
Gillette Daisy Ultragrip
Gillette Daisy
Schick Xtreme 3 Triple Blade Closeness Razors for Women with Vitamin E
Noxzema Triple Blade Disposable Razor
Noxzema Disposable

The Method:
I’ll choose one shaving cream and use one of each razor with it. I’ll rate the razor on the factors of closeness, razor rash, during shaving feel, and post shaving feel. For the cream, I’ll have to see how it affects the factors of the razor. Ratings will range from 0 (don’t try this razor unless you’ve had a recent tetanus shot)-10 (Bliss. Smooth Bliss) and have commentary.

God save my legs.