I think most people are familiar with the photo of me wearing a red, fuzzy Badass!Hat. In fact, it’s my avatar in most places because it’s so damn badass.

However, I do not own said hat. We found it in the West Point PX and while we took photos of me wearing it, we did not purchase said hat.

Since then, another like it has not been found.

Yet we’ve found another Badass!Hat nonetheless. It is not red and fuzzy, it is pink and terry.

And I purchased said hat because I will not let another Badass!Hat pass me by.

But I need to figure out which photo is the most Badass!—

Pose One:

Pose Two:

Pose Three:

Pose Four:

Pose Five:

Which photo is a worthy successor to the original Badass!Hat?

I met nathan, I put him in the trunk of my rental car.

Evidence to that fact:

How did this event come about?

An observer’s comment on seeing the depth of said trunk: “I bet Nathan could fit in there.”

Nathan. “What?”

Me. “Hey Nathan, get in the trunk.”

Nathan proceeds to get in the trunk.

…nice.

Upon finding both boxes of matches stacked on top of the heater, I make the following suggestion to Nathan: “Could you not put the matches on top of the heater?”

His reply: “They’re not going to catch on fire.”

Me. “Nathan.”

Him. “I know! I know we have shit luck!”

Me. “The defense rests.”

…in case you’re wondering, the matches have thus been moved off the top of the heater.

I shall make a note to myself.

Self,

The next time you add a placeholder statement, either scribbled in a margin or actually typed out, such as the following:

[connect with part with father and brother’s discharge]

make sure that said part exists.

and then have whatever it is scribbled after it, like:

Lonely. She’d felt lonely and so alone that she’d fled from people and civilization to someplace where she could be even more alive, surrounded by the lush trees and

and?

And what?

Right. Self, also do not leave off with “and”

You, Self, are not that distractab—

“Well, something bright happened.”

—Sam

Sort of.

This morning I wandered into the bedroom and nathan, still asleep, sat straight up, all freaked out.

And Nathan, still asleep, asks me, “Did you let the cat out?”

Me. “Um, sure. Because we have a cat.”

Him. “Well, did you?”

Me. “Yeah, no problem.”

Him. “Thank you.”

the he lays back down and continues to sleep.

Yes, continues to sleep.

On relaying the story to Nathan when he finally woke up (like, really woke up), and clambered out of bed, he told me why he asked that question:

“I had a cat and it scratched my face off because I wouldn’t let it out.”

No worries, nathan. Your face is safe from the non-existent cat.