Okay. Now five rolls out of the fifteen taken from the Carpetbagger trip are scanned and loaded up onto the gallery. No, it wasn’t every single photo, but I’d have to take SOME bad ones. So you don’t get to see them. Neener-neener. Anyway. The other ten rolls should arrive from Dalmatian Lab either Tuesday or Wednesday (negatives and proofs, bless them).
Of course, there’s still rolls from between then and now. I got a shot of the Old Man in the Mountain from April 26th, a week before he took his tumble. Shots from the Mount Major hike, too.
I still need to type in that fifth chapter. Gah. And start really figuring out how to write up Carpetbagger.
And wash dishes? What?
I’m not sleepy right now. And I SHOULD be. This isn’t good. Been irritable and paranoid and angry and blah today. *frown*
I’ll go play with the website more.
Brendan has to be one of the demi-gods in my pantheon. He hooked me up with Gallery and now the interface for browsing the photos is way, way better. Dance, everyone!
Today was spent bummin’ around with friends and plying them to drink since I can’t. They also induced my fear of aliens by having me watch Signs. Bastards. Good friends, though. Finally shooed them away so I can play with the scanner more. I have sheets of the archival negative sheets to plow through and the last 10 newly processed negatives and contact sheets should arrive either Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Gotta get these old ones up first! Ack! Oh, and that pesky job thing keeps getting in the way.
I wrote the fifth chapter of Awaken the Sleeping Gods while I stayed at lovely CMC. At some point I’ll type that in, but these photos I’ve been waiting months and months for take precedence. Darkroom work really is like an addiction.
Off to bed. Now without the mania, I actually get sleepy and bleary eyed.
I got admitted to CMC on Wednesday for two days. Sucked ass, but the mania is broken and I don’t want to die anymore. I am sleeping through the night without meds, too. Awesome thing.
And. On Friday, the film scanner arrived! It’s like Christmas. I am now scanning all the film from the trip. Plus other film. And then playing with it on Adobe. It’s like a digital darkroom. Woohoo!
Hey, look an update. As the main site says, I have my own awesome one bedroom apartment in Manchester, NH. And no, I’m not giving out my address. I worked at the Lawrence Bridge Home for the better part of a year. My first real full-time grown up job. I did good at it, even got promoted in October from shift supervisor to case manager (direct care to administrative). Then stuff got ugly between the union and the management and I was in the middle. After getting smacked around by management for a couple months (me being the union steward for our site since no one ELSE would do it, weenies), I got sick of that shit and quit.
Of course, not before finding a new job at the Community Council of Nashua. I’m part of the clinical staff there as a case manager. Business cards, nameplate on door, even have to keep a damn appointment book. Feels very stange, like I’m a ten year old playing dress-up. Great job though. Love working with the kids, me being in the Child and Adolescent Unit. Strange, how I can’t seem to get away from kids. Like it’s meant that I’m to work with them. S’okay. It’s fun. Means I get to play with toys and get paid for it!
About the bipolar stuff. Mood shit got weird near the end of October. By the end of November, I’d gotten admitted to the damn hospital again. I stayed for less than 24 hours (thank God). Psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder instead of major depressive disorder. I think it sucks. Depression meant I could stop seeing a therapist and stop medication and be okay and normal and all that shit, right? Instead, I’ve got this chronic, lifetime condition that I’m supposed to take medication for to keep stable. Only, the medication really fucks me up, makes me a zombie, has this HUGE potential for weight gain (did I mention I’ve lost like thirty pounds? Look) and makes me go stupid.
Take your life as it is.
Turn it upside down.
Do some headbanging.
Your hiccups have stopped, but you need to remain like this unless you want them to return.
Sorta like what this feels like now, only I KNOW, being in the mental health field, that the mood swings aren’t hiccups. They’re very dangerous (obviously, since apparently I have this stupid and embarassing tendency towards suicidality). I can’t even be a HAPPY damn manic. Instead, I get shitty mixed episodes where I’m paranoid, irritable, have boundless energy, and want to die.
What fun.
Anyway. I went through four therapists between Todd and the current doc. This one is good I think, comes recommended by Finn. I have an evaluation with a new psychiatrist in the beginning of June, so I can get a firm diagnosis. We’ll see.
I just have to knock off the current round of suicidality. I have a plan set and in place and ready to rock n roll at any time. How fucked up is THAT?
